You finally have been able to develop the mental awareness of what it is you want. You want someone similar to you, so you can figure them out, but of opposite force so you can play both parts of the field. Same as me. We are similar in though process, but we differ in thoughts. We have the same mental ability and coherence. Only when I write for you do you understand how I am not a child. Only when we are apart do you realize how smart I am. Because when I'm with you I don't need to prove anything. You wonder..
Why does she act so silly?
Why is she always laughing?
How is it she is so smart but can act so stupid.
I'd rather be stupid then dumb. Stupid is knowing something is wrong, or knowing something is childish and still doing it. I know the difference. I just love being able to act free. I don't always want to be serious. Why? Why would I be. My inner child never had the chance to grow. I'm allowing it to do so. I fear though, my inner child will grow up to fast, just as I did. I like being childish. I love being to act the way I do with you. I can't act like that with everyone. You know it. So being able to have a person to come to and accept that I need to do certain things for myself without being able to fear judgement, then I'm comfortable and I feel I have a place to be who I want to be.
Sometimes we need a place to hide right? If I wanted to hide... I'd run from you. I'd lie to you, I'd want nothing to do with you. But that wouldn't do anything, because you'd find me. I'm already into deep. You tempt me with your inner disasters. They are things I don't understand. I may think I do, but when your around I can't think properly. I am unable to understand what bothers me about you. I love you. But differently then you love me. And it's scary. But I enjoy it. Tell me why is it I feel you will be the death of me. The one person I would never think of, when other people have had me bleed love into the sky for them.... when you... don't ask me for such things, you my love will be the end of my misery and happiness. I wasted my time on them. I lost my virginity to the wrong person. I've experienced life with the wrong people. Why couldn't I wait? Why did I have to be so selfish? Because now... I feel unfaithful for things I did when I didn't even know you. I feel dirty for thoughts I once had and fantasies I desire.
You're slowly dying. Everyday more of you disappears and the creature within your soul takes up more of your smile. It kills me that the one person that has been able to love me the way I want to be loved is dying because he loves me. You confuse me and hurt me. But you don't know. But you do. You have to know it. You give me words and allow me to take them how I want them. If I love you so much then why do I let them hurt me? Because of my fears. Fears of you leaving...
Fears of me over reacting. I've never been able to keep so cool with anyone else. You have me spellbound. All you have to do is look into my eyes.
I know why your darkness draws me in. It's something I don't understand. It's something that I have craved for years. The lust, the sexual attention, the innocents you play. And I'm not sure to why you don't want me to share my dreams with other people. Are you afraid that if I speak to someone else about it I will figure something out about you that you don't want me to know? I think I have became mentally paranoid. I'm not happy with it, but it's my own doing. I don't have much to distract me from my illness. The illness I have created. But... in the end...
Dark consumes light.
And that is why I chase you. I know the truth. I've known it for only a year, but I know it. I want to be quipped and I want to stay standing. I already know I'll regret it. I already know I will miss the joy I feel as a happy person. I will miss the light and you can only die if you happy. You can't die in misery. You cant die in pain. Because it will not leave you. When you choose eternal pain there is no turning back. And what you want... is someone to be suffer with you. And you warn me. You tell me I won't like it. But I'm so stubborn. I don't want you to be right. I want to be right. I don't like to be wrong. But I already know I am, but my point is to keep fighting to at least try and prove I'm right. Because when you negotiate with evil... one is a fool. And evil will because the good has to much trust that there is good in everything.
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