Say What's Needed

As I grow older I grow wiser. We obtain wisdom from the thought process we have, but can not be stronger without the people we encounter and interact with. The cherished moments and the insight of others that we love stick to us and can make us a better person or a weaker one. We pick up things to add to our personality from the people we love. Or the people we have to be around more than often. Around different people we act differently. But why? It's the human nature to impress and connect. If you have a conversation with someone and there are two different levels present one person may not feel understood or won't be able to understand.
For instance...
If I began to talk about my intellectual theories with my 13 year old brother I doubt he would be able to comprehend. It's not that Noah isn't an intelligent person, the things he has been through, the people he is around constantly, the way his thinking process works, his likes and dislikes, and the different things he has experinced hasn't allowed that part of his mental ability to become active. I know one day I'll be able to share my thoughts about certain things with him, but I couldn't now. But I do carry with me his sense of humor and laughter. The laughter of care free child.

Another quality I have seen in someone else and grew to understand is the ability to be a hard worker. I've been around hard workers all my life. My mother, my father, grandmother and other family members. But not until I had a relationship with Michael Waller was able to understand the meaning of it. Sometimes it takes us more than one obseravation to get the hang of things. He would find a reason every morning to do what he had to do. Living for now and not tomorrow. Tomorrow isn't always granted. Nothing ever is. We have to seek out and acomplish these things. I have been applying this to each and every day. If i feel sick like I did this morning.... when i didn't want to get up I thought of why I should. Someone was counting on me. Someone I love very much needed me to be there for him. I did my best to wake and make myself feel better. I got dressed, did my hair and make up and I felt good about myself when I saw Jon. I smiled and he smiled. He hugged and kissed. And I began to feel better.

I've been able to gather different things from different people. These are just some of the few. And last night I realized that there is something else that, not only is a great quality, I want to equipt it. The ablity to say only what needs to be said. And this is something Jon does. Not only has he told me he only says what needs to be said, but I realize there are things he thinks of, but wont say. Because it's unnecassary. And today... I didn't do such a great job doing this. But now that I know this, and now that I have an understanding of it I believe I will be able to do it. Of course with the right people. Some people I still can goof around and joke with. In some situations it's fine to go about being a dork. But others.... I should take more caution to. And realize who I am speaking to when I say things. It's not that I said anything drastic... this person will soon forget what was said. I know it brought bother up, but it will go away.

But... there will be a time, if I am not thinking, when I say something and it destory something. A relationship, a heart, a positive emotion... something way more valuable. I know there will be the time when I say to myself "wow, I'm so glad I held my breathe for that moment" because in the end.... it's only going to benifit me. I shouldn't excpet others to be like this. Not when people my age are ignorant and intolreant to others that do the same things they do. And holding my breathe and keeping my fist from being raise will save me much trouble. People my age aren't like me. There are a few... but not many. Not as equiped as I am. they don't realize the oppurtnuites they have. They don't understand the concepts and real values to life like I do.

I'm a very fortunate source of energy. I'm a very very very fortuante beign for my age.